Suitably Flip

All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of woman who would put the poison into her own lobster salad or her enemy's?

President Barack Obama:  Now, a clever woman would put the poison into her own lobster salad, because she would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given.  I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the lobster salad in front of you.  But you must have known I was not a great fool. You would have counted on it!  So I can clearly not choose the lobster salad in front of me.

Senator Susan Collins:  You've made your decision then?

Obama:  Not remotely!  Because lobster salad comes from Maine, as everyone knows, and Maine is entirely peopled with RINOs, and RINOs are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the lobster salad in front of you.

Collins:  Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

Obama:  Wait till I get going! Where was I?

Collins:  Maine.

Obama:  Yes, Maine.  And you must have suspected I would have known the lobster's origin, so I can clearly not choose the lobster salad in front of me.

Collins:  You're just stalling now.

Obama:  You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?  You've beaten my White House tour cancellation gambit, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own lobster, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the salad in front of you.  But, you've also bested my illegal recess appointments, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the lobster salad in front of me.

Collins:  You're trying to trick me into giving away something.  It won't work.

Obama:  It has worked!  You've given everything away!  I know where the poison is!

Collins:  Then make your choice.

Obama:  I will, and I choose... What in the world can that be? [Obama gestures up and away from the table. Collins turns to look...]

Collins:  What?  Where?  I don't see anything.

Obama:  Well, I, I could have sworn I saw something.  No matter. [Obama smirks]

Collins:  What's so funny?

Obama:  I'll tell you in a minute.  First, let's eat.  Me from my plate, and you from yours.

Collins:  You guessed wrong.

Obama:  You only think I guessed wrong!  That's what's so funny!  I switched plates with Biden when your back was turned!  Ha ha! You fool!  You fell victim to one of the classic blunders!  The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Libya, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Chicagoan when death is on the line!!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!  Ha ha ha... Joe?

Comments

All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of woman who would put the poison into her own lobster salad or her enemy's?

President Barack Obama:  Now, a clever woman would put the poison into her own lobster salad, because she would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given.  I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the lobster salad in front of you.  But you must have known I was not a great fool. You would have counted on it!  So I can clearly not choose the lobster salad in front of me.

Senator Susan Collins:  You've made your decision then?

Obama:  Not remotely!  Because lobster salad comes from Maine, as everyone knows, and Maine is entirely peopled with RINOs, and RINOs are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the lobster salad in front of you.

Collins:  Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

Obama:  Wait till I get going! Where was I?

Collins:  Maine.

Obama:  Yes, Maine.  And you must have suspected I would have known the lobster's origin, so I can clearly not choose the lobster salad in front of me.

Collins:  You're just stalling now.

Obama:  You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?  You've beaten my White House tour cancellation gambit, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own lobster, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the salad in front of you.  But, you've also bested my illegal recess appointments, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the lobster salad in front of me.

Collins:  You're trying to trick me into giving away something.  It won't work.

Obama:  It has worked!  You've given everything away!  I know where the poison is!

Collins:  Then make your choice.

Obama:  I will, and I choose... What in the world can that be? [Obama gestures up and away from the table. Collins turns to look...]

Collins:  What?  Where?  I don't see anything.

Obama:  Well, I, I could have sworn I saw something.  No matter. [Obama smirks]

Collins:  What's so funny?

Obama:  I'll tell you in a minute.  First, let's eat.  Me from my plate, and you from yours.

Collins:  You guessed wrong.

Obama:  You only think I guessed wrong!  That's what's so funny!  I switched plates with Biden when your back was turned!  Ha ha! You fool!  You fell victim to one of the classic blunders!  The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Libya, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Chicagoan when death is on the line!!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!  Ha ha ha... Joe?